To SuperMan or not to SuperMan? That is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and badly costumed grown men or by ignoring them save at least twenty dollars?  My issue with Superman and just about any other costumed hero is the underwear over the tights thing.  I mean, how can that even be comfortable?  And can I say, yuck.  And the other thing, how blind, stupid, self-involved do you have to be not to see that Clark Kent and Superman look so much alike they could be practically the *gasp* same person?  Beyond that, the new Superman, Brandon Routh(i think), seems to have the same expression on his face in every trailer I've seen.  The whole, "I'm concentrating really hard here, I either really need to go to the bathroom, or I'm about to come out of the closet, but just maybe I'll save the world beforehand," you know that look.

So, I haven't seen it yet.  Has anyone here? And, seriously, is it worth the twenty?

It has been almost forever since I've been on here long enough to actually write anything.  I'm not sure why.  My life is just stagnant and nothing much interested me to actually form a coherent thought about.  That old saying 'the more things change...,' but the truth is nothing really has changed.  I'm still at the same job, a new record for me, haven't really felt the need for anything, and that me fellow peoples is the problem.  That overwhelming feeling of not knowing which way to head next or even if you need a direction to go in.  For the majority of my life I've drifted.  From one thing to the next with no real thought of where I should end up next.  My whole life after high school seems to be one big stumble into things, and somewhere in the very back of my brain I know I want to change that, I don't want to wake up fifty one day and still stumbling from dead end job to dead end job.  If I only knew what I want to do with my life.  Goddamn, that seems to be the running theme of my life, if only, if only doesn't really get you anywhere, and I of course know this.

I found one of the best comic strips I've ever read.... well, I didn't find it just like Columbus didn't find America, it was there I stumbled (there's that fucking word again) across it while I was pretending to be doing my job.

Check it out:::: www.candorville.com

Friday, finally.  The last couple of days have been pretty horrible mostly because the other person that works in my department's been out, and I'm a moron and don't know what the fuck the people calling are talking about most of the time.  I can't wait for this day to be over so I can go home and bury my head under the covers and sleep till well forever. 

The sad part is that I'll go home and instead of taking a nap or doing something constructive before going out tonight, I'll turn on the computer and play.  I have to admit I'm addicted to Yu-Gi-Oh the computer game.  If you've never heard of YuGi you're lucky.  My 2 year old nephew loves the cartoons and I got him two computer versions of the card game, and my sisters and I are so addicted to it; it is quite pathetic.

I couldn't sleep last night.  No, I didn't have some freakish pirate dream , but if I do, can Angelina Jolie be my pirate?  Anyway, not sleeping isn't something new for me, so I did what I usually do when that happens I watch all the stuff I haven't seen on my DVR.  I started with last week's Grey's Anatomy because it's a really great show.  Afterward, I watched the L Word, because three hot chicks have to be followed by more hot chicks, and it was such a great episode, and I'm not just talking about the girl on girl, but overall it was touching. Then after those two musts, i simply started skipping around the list on my DVR.  I watched a couple episodes of General Hospital in fast foward so it took ten minutes.  I watched some of the newer (is that a word, looks weird, i don't think it is) episodes of The Batman on WB, Bruce Wayne needs a girl. I topped off the night with some "poetry" I have a couple of last season's episodes of Def Poetry Jam and I went through a few poems.  I really love that show, even the bad poetry is entertaining.  Or the bad poetry is especially entertaining.  It just makes me break out into verse, but I'll contain myself, barely.  All that DVR watching made me wonder what I used to do before when I couldn't sleep, and then I remembered, I used to read.  What a waste, huh?

The weekend ended before it began, and now it's back to work. Oh, the joy.  I live in a city that borders Mexico and every year we have this celebration of our Mexican-American culture and the two cities working together (yeah, like that ever happens).  This grand celebration is called Charro Days; it starts the last Thursday in Feb. and lasts all weekend.  This is a great excuse for a parade, to get drunk, and for spending way too much money at the carnival that is always in town during this time.  Plus, it falling so close to the begining of lent a reason to let it all hang out, sort to speak, before trying to be good for a whole forty days.  Unless you're not Catholic, then who the fuck cares.  I'm not and I don't.  So, this weekend I got sunburnt at the parade, spent like fifty bucks trying to win anything at the carnival, to no avail, and tried very hard to remember that all that is supposed to be fun.

the sky is dark outside and the air smells like the ocean, on a good day, and i can't even bring myself to smile.  i'm not quite sure why.  nothing's changed, but for the last couple of days, and today especially, i've been sort of disconnected. 

work is good.  my nephew has a fever since yesterday morning that doesn't want to go away; he already went to the doctor, but the quack couldn't find anything wrong with him except the 102 fever.  my sister and i, in our confounded wisdom have decided that alguien le hizo ojo (roughly translated gave him the eye evil or otherwise). when we were younger and we fell ill all of a sudden and for no apparent reason it was usually said that alguien les hizo ojo and my mother would whip out an egg stroke our foreheads and limbs with it while praying under her breath. after about three minutes of this the egg would be broken into a glass of water, if the egg became foamy then someone had given you the evil eye, and it had been transferred to the egg. damn if you didn't feel better afterwards, too.

i'm going to go stand outside and hope it rains on me.

I can't think of anything to write about. I was gonna go on a rant about how much Valentine's sucks but I'm not alone and it seems I've been beaten to it.  I was also gonna make a comment about Cheney's trigger happy finger, but again a little late on that one.  So, instead I'm gonna go on a tagent -- yesterday, the day after Dick shot his friend, I was driving to work (I work out in the middle of nowhere) when I saw a white bus, a white truck, a couple of white vans and cars driving the opposite way all of which had Homeland Security on them.  It seemed rather well fishy to me, but what do I know, I cranked up the AC/DC playing on the radio and promptly forgot about it and went on my merry way.  Then, that afternoon on the drive home I saw the same bus going back sans the rest of the caravan.  Now, I live near the Mexican border, and right on the Gulf of Mexico, so, maybe they were doing check-ups on the bridges or checking on customs and stuff like that, sure all that is plausible, but isn't it also plausible that the aliens (UFO no illegal kind, although wouldn't UFO aliens be illegals too since they don't have documentation) have finally landed out at South Padre Island and have taken over the bodies of the winter Texans staying there, although if the aliens were truly intelligent beings they would have waited a few more weeks for the wet t-shirt contests during Spring Break.

this is the first time since i graduated from college that i'm working in a small office environment before this it was at schools or department stores, call centers all pretty big places where basically you were left alone to do or not do you work as you saw fit, but working in a small office is a trip. there are these cliques that were formed probably right around the time the office first opened and people have opinions about everyone and everything and expect you to automatically agree with them. not mention all the gossip that goes on, ok lets mention the gossip. i've only worked there for two weeks and i think i know exactly who is sleeping with whom and who doesn't know about it. i'm not big on the whole lets pretend to be friendly and smile at each other although you make me ill, but it seems that's all that goes on around. smile, smile, ok you're out the door let me talk about you.  honestly if you make me sick i won't talk to you or about you much less smile at you. i don't think i'm up to this whole working in the small office thing.  i prefer knowing who hates my guts.

i don't think any of that made any sense but who the fuck cares, not i said the fly. it's friday again, but it was just friday a couple of days ago or so it seems. 

the spanish word of the day is pendejo(pronounced : pen-de-hoe or if applied to a female: pen-de-ha) which can be defined in a number of ways idiot, dumbass, stupid, moron, imbecile all of which should be accompanied by a hand gesture usually the one finger salute.  for example, if you're hauling ass because you woke up late and need to get to work and then someone cuts right and front of you and slams on their brakes and proceeds to drive 10mph without giving you any room to go by is a pendejo. or that annoying customer who calls at exactly 8a.m.before you've even put your stuff away to complain that a brass bushing broke after they've been hammering on it is a pendejo, and the list goes on.

today has been a day of pendejos and pendejaras (i'm not sure if that's a word but if it is it would mean doing really dumbass stuff -- for example forgetting your glasses at home so that you're virtually blind). on the plus side tomorrow is friday which although the week zoomed by isn't soon enough.

i did restart me diet monday and so far it's being going pretty good and i've lost 2lbs, hooray for me.  they'll be a parade over the weekend. :)

do you ever feel like just stopping?  i mean everything.  i just don't want to do anything. i don't want to wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night. i don't want to be responsible and get to work, or go and to the mall or anything.  i don't even want to read, which is weird since i always have a book in front of my face unless i'm at work or driving although i've been known to start books in the car on the way home from a library, but very rarely and only in my hometown where i know all the streets really well and everyone is just  as crazy a driver as i am. ok, i'm rambling and not really saying what i started out saying which is that i'm tired. all the time of just about everything.  i get annoyed with my nephew for no reason, i've shut out my sisters again for no reason.  i just want to be alone and be left alone. i want to curl up in a nice dark quiet room and just breathe maybe cry a little about nothing. i know this feeling will pass and things will get back to "normal" whatever the hell that means, but right now at this exact moment i just want life to stop.

Ever since I quit teaching about forever ago I never got the whole hump day thing, since most of my jobs lately didn't care about petty stuff like weekends or holidays, most of the time I worked on both weekends and holidays, but now I'm firmly on my third day as a grown up and hump day has a new meaning to me.  I can't wait for Friday, if for nothing else than to just sleep in late on Saturday.  I'm not a morning person; I don't think I can change that.  Maybe it's woven into our genetic makeup and there's nothing you can do to change it. Of course, my younger sister says that if I were to actually go to sleep before 3a.m. waking up at 6 would be no problem, but what does she know? So far the job is good, nothing hard or even anything too annoying which was usually my biggest problem.

The people I work with are pretty cool, nobody has an ego and bad jokes abound.  My immediate supervisor tends to sip on a large cup of undisclosed contents all day long and gets happier as the day goes by, and I think I've smelled vodka on her breath.  It really is a lie that you can't smell the stuff and not tasting it is pretty much an urban legend.  Maybe I should start doing a little sippy sip to get through the day or at least this one.  One of the best things about this job is that there is a tiny itty bitty library, I think my bedroom is larger, about 5 minutes away so I can spend my lunch hour here doing this or reading a book, and hopefully it'll help out with the diet.

Today was my first day of my new job.  I hate first days; it doesn't matter of what.  First day of school always sucked, first day with a new car you just knew some idiot would park too close and ding your door, first day with a new girlfriend awkward silences and trying to figure if what you find absolutely hilarious will offend her, but I especially dislike first days at a new job.  You'd figure me having doing first days at work so often would get used to them, but I never have and I don't think I ever will.  And to make matters worse, I now know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not a morning person.  I had to pry my eyes open with a screw driver this morning to make it into work.  I hate getting to work and not knowing where you are supposed to be or what you're supposed to be doing or not doing for that matter. How should you answer the phone, should you answer the phone or if you actually got the dress code right, and since it said nothing about tattoos is it okay to have visible tattoos or were they just never an issue so they didn't include them.  Honestly, it wasn't so bad.  Of course, I did almost nothing today.  I spent the day shadowing my supervisor to learn about the software they use to process orders and shipping stuff and I did my all time favorite thing: I filed.  I love filing.  It would have been better if the files where alphabetized, but numbers are good too.  I'm not sure how long I'll last at this job, especially since it is a temp job.  Yeah, I'm with a temp agency, but it is a temp to hire job so if they like me enough and I don't screw up too much they might make it permanent, or as permanent as I've ever had.

My major problem with this and just about every other job I've ever had including but not limited to teaching, telemarketing, and sales is that I still don't know what I want to do with my life.  I know I've said it before but I really don't.  Do you know what I've always wanted to do?  I've always wanted to be a truck stop waitress.  Working overnight in one of those diners that serve greasy food, out in the middle of butfuck egypt, and wearing one of those hideous waitress uniforms. I've always wanted to do that my sister tell me I'm insane, but screw them. Unfortunately or fortunately there are no such diners anywhere near me so truckers are spared from my lousy service.

We'll see how tomorrow goes, hopefully I'll get the hang of things and be able to make it at least till the end of the week.

a sad,sad day indeed when i find myself sitting at the public library computer lab using the internet instead in the comfort of my own home. it's so horrible that i got used to the speed of high speed when really i only had the damn thing a few weeks. how sad am i that it only takes that long for me to get addicted to not having five minutes to run downstairs and get a drink of water while i wait for a page to actually pop up. oh, well nobody uses this computer lab anyway; it's a new library that cost the city millions of dollars which they placed on the wrong side of town so usually only about five of the twenty-five computers are ever used. such a waste of a perfectly good facility they should've built a prison instead around here there is a lot more use for one than a library.  and no i'm not being prejudicial or anything of the sort, i live in the neighborhood so i now the score.  the truth is most kids around here never finish high school and those that do finish most don't go to college and i've never met a teenager living in these parts that actually enjoyed reading.  most of the people that do use the lab are from the other side of town and they drive down here because the original city library has an itty bitty tiny computer lab with about ten old ass computers that never work and are always being used.  it's claustrophobic in there.  here the room is large with plenty of space it's nice, but still i'd rather be home with the t.v going in the background and my nephew screaming at batman.

I got a fortune cookie yesterday (yes, I cheated on my diet, but really at the end who cares) which read that I should work on my long term goals.  I'm a strong believer in fortune cookies, along with aliens, vampires(did you know one was running to be governor of Minnesota), those crop circle things, sylvia browne, and werewolves, so I have decided to actually work on these long term goals.  The only long term goal I have besides deciding what to do with the rest of my life is to actually finish a novel that I start.  Easier said than done because like my former jobs I get to a certain point and then I become disinterested in it. So, far I've begun three manuscripts and they're all in different stages of completion.  I have one which deals with a psychic and a series of grissly murders that one is on page 60, the second deals with female assassin, her love for a cop, and the evil crime boss that is after her i think that one's on page 132, and the last one the latest one that I've begun deals with vampires, werewolves and demons all my favorite subjects and a lesbian love story currently I'm at the beginning of the sex scene on page 95.  At this point I don't know whether to try to finish one of these like the fortune cookie so sagely suggested or say screw it and start a different one, pretty soon I'll have a whole collection.  The only problem right now is that I'm battling writer's block or blockade as it is since I've haven't been able to write anything creatively since last year when I started working at a department store.  I just knew that place was evil.  Take right now for instance I sat down to jot down some notes maybe write a couple of paragraphs about anything and the only thing I could come up with was:

I sold my soul for a dollar; and now the devil wants his change.  too bad i already wasted it on a cigarette and a lay.